Befriending Your Money

It’s true I guess that the first thing that comes to mind when most of us think of money isn’t friendship.  But I’ve been thinking a lot about this of late.  What connection can there be between money and friendship?

There are, of course, some obvious links.  Money can be pressed into service to help our friends.  It can be spent in a compassionate and generous way.  We can spend it to do good and therefore exhibit our basic friendliness towards others or the planet or a country, an unfortunate group, or a person in need.

These are all worthy uses of our money and they most certainly do connect it to the themes of friendship and kindness in our lives.

But my thoughts of late have been focused on a more subtle theme than these expressions of goodness.  More subtle than these actions that others can see.

Is it possible, I’ve wondered, to regard our own money as a friend?

I have written about the fact that money is no more than a tool, a neutral instrument that we put to use in so many ways in our lives.  I’ve described in detail the many ways I’ve seen people infuse money with emotion.  We’ve all seen instances where we or others whom we know have regarded money with greed or used it as a weapon. And lately it seems, more than anything, Americans have expressed great fear when it comes to their money.

So if we could look on money with fear or greed, if we can pour our emotions out on this tool that’s so essential to our daily lives, why can we not also consider it a friend?  What would that feel like?

Considering our money as our friend may seem like a somewhat silly idea.   But I would suggest that, without realizing it, many of us consider it an enemy.
We feel that it eludes us, that we can never understand it.  If we have it, we fear losing it as if it had some life of its own and could simply get up and walk away.  Many Americans believe that people who have money are bad people – that they cannot be good simply because they have this stuff.  Even as so many aspire for more and more money, they condemn those who have a great deal of it (or at least those who have more than they do).  And as for those who don’t have enough money, some among us blame them for their own lot in life.

Suffice it to say, our attitudes towards money are rather complicated.  At the very least, considering our money a friend might make us step back and look at it with new eyes.  Could it help us to relax a bit?  Befriending our money would be so much gentler than focusing on the money we don’t have, the money we should have, or the money we wish we had.  It might just mean appreciating the money we DO have.

So why not look on money as a friend?  Money does, after all, make all kinds of things possible in our daily lives – big things, like educating our children and small things like enjoying that first cup of coffee in the morning.  Life would be infinitely more complicated in our society if we didn’t have money to facilitate the exchange of goods and services.

Ultimately however, I believe looking on our money with the kindness and love with which we would consider a good friend would express compassion primarily for ourselves.  That softer, gentler attitude would help us to relax around money, appreciate all the ways in which it makes our lives better – no matter how much or how little we have.  It would allow us to let go of some of the fears we have about not being able to handle it or understand it or control it.  We could unclench our fists and our hearts and stop worrying so much about others having more than we feel they should or worrying that they might take some of ours.  We could begin to enjoy our money even if we only have enough to cover the basics. Money is a great energy in our lives and our society.  Maybe it’s time we look on it with a little kindness and treat it more like the friend it really is.

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